Gwuh...? Where... where am I? I was asleep, in my bed, and... Why am I on the edge of Frosty Woods all of a sudden? What's going on?!
I'll tell you what's going on: You've been KIDNAPPED! The Battling Bard has need of you, boy...
Eep! T-T-The Dunkelviking! But what are you--... Are you going to use me as dragon bait? No... As target practice?!
HA! Don't be ridiculous! You, my lad, are going to help me write my first-ever Frost Festival holiday album!
... What?
It's simple! "Frost On My Lutestrings: A Battling Bard Celebration" will have six songs on it, each inspired by a wintry dragon of yore!
But I can't be INSPIRED by those dragons if I can't find them and battle them, can I? And to do THAT, I need YOU to tell me all about them!
Well... you or your father, really. But the last time I kidnapped ol' Hogwin, it didn't exactly go as planned, now, did it?
Anyhow: That's why you're kidnapped, the first dragon is here in these woods, and MY ALBUM WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE. That about covers it!
... What?!
HALT!!! Whoa there, lad! That majestic specimen before us... it's the first of the six wintry dragons! Tell me what you know of it -- quickly!
Uh... It's... uh... Well... It's... red?
... Good enough for me! TASTE THE POWER OF MY POWER CHORDS, FOEDRAGON!!!
"Like cherry blossoms in the breeze, my foe was blown away with ease..." HA! I like that! But where'd that dragon run off to anyhow?
O-Oh! The Cherry Ice Dragon is very reclusive... but if we gather up enough shiny stuff, it should come out of its den and befriend us. I think.
HA! See? And here YOU thought you wouldn't be any good at this!
Well? What are we waiting for? Time's a-wasting, and we have five more dragons to battle before my holiday album is done! Let's forge ahead!
Uh... Well... I guess I'm not getting back to my bed anytime soon, so... okay... One question, though: What actually IS a "holiday album"?
You know: an ALBUM! Like a book full of festive engravings -- only with the sheet music for my songs in it! Doesn't Hogwin teach you anything?
Uh... Yes? I mean... um... N-Never mind...
Hush, boy... We've arrived at Gustyvale Village: the fabled stalking-ground of the legendary Frost Dairy Dragon! Stealth is of the essence...
Uh... actually, it's called the Frost Fairy Dragon? The "Frost Dairy Dragon" is a subspecies of the possibly apocryphal Gelato Dragon--
I SAID HUSH, BOY! STEALTH IS OF THE ESSENCE!!!
Y-Y-Y-Yessir, Mr. Dunkelviking, sir!
There it is, boy! I KNEW my masterfully stealthy yelling would draw its attention... What do you know of this fabled beast?
Uh... It's said that, if you look into its eyes, it can cause visions of sugared plums to dance in your head...?
HA! Informative AND delicious... and just the piece of lore I need to face this Frost Fairy and TRIUMPH!
"Fairy dragon made of snow... I beat you just now. You can go!" A fine first line for a power ballad, wouldn't you agree?
Uh... actually, if you're open to constructive criticism, I... um... have a few notes, and... uh... N-Never mind.
Courage, my lad! Twinkle Village is just over that ridge -- we'll have to hurry if we're to climb Frostytoes Peak by dawn!
Uh... I've actually been here before, so I... uh... I know that already...
What's that, boy? If you want to be as strong OR as stealthy as me, you'll have to learn to speak up!
Look around you, my lad: Twinkle Village! Home to our next battle... and my next award-winning song!
(And my Great-Great-Aunt Hogwinona, if I remember right...)
Haven't you been listening AT ALL, boy!? We're not here to fight your great-great-aunt -- we're here to fight a DRAGON! AND SPEAK UP!
O-Okay! I'll... uh... ... ... I'll try?
Right! Now--
THE LI'L ANGEL DRAGON IS KNOWN FOR ITS GENTLE DEMEANOR AND DISTINCTIVE MEZZO-SOPRANO VOCAL STYLINGS! Uh... SIR!
Ha-HA! NOW you're getting it!
"An Angel fought with harmony... but now it's hanging out with me! Oh, what a striking twist this be!" ... And then there's a 20-minute lute solo.
Well? How's THAT for a third song in my holiday album? Remember what I've told you, boy: Speak up!
*cough* ... I... *hack* ... I would... but after the last time I did that, I... *AHEM* ... I think I need a lozenge...
Ah-HEM... Uh... I was gonna say this earlier, Mr. Dunkelviking, sir... but you don't really have to keep calling me "boy." "Ned" is just fine.
Ned, eh? Well, brave of you to push through your sore throat to say so! In that case, you may call me "Duncan."
Duncan... Wait... That's your name? You have an actual NAME?!
Of course I do, Ned, my boy! "Duncan-the-Viking!" You Dragolandians just keep pronouncing it with an "L" for some reason...
Pft... HAHAA! Ohh, the look on your face! Joking aside, though: Dunkelviking may be my title, but Duncan IS my name. Call me by it if you wish!
Right... SOME holiday albums sag in the middle when the songwriter runs out of material. I swear by my beard... THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN THIS DAY!
YEAH!!! I mean... uh... Hooray...?
Ha! Your first instinct was the right one, Ned, my boy! This IS a joyful occasion -- it deserves enthusiasm! AND LOUDNESS!!!
YEAH, DUNCAN! LET'S GO FIND US A REINDEER DRAGON!!! (Whoo! That was actually sorta fun...)
Okay: the Reindeer Dragon of Cracklecrunch Lake comes in EIGHT distinctive subspecies: the Dasher Dragon, the Dancer Dragon, the--
FACE THE RESOUNDING CRESCENDO OF MY HEART-SYMPHONY, YOU MAJESTIC LAKE-MONARCH! HRAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!
...aaaand there he goes.
Ahhhhh... Another battle well fought, and another song well written! As it turns out, there are a LOT of good rhymes for "reindeer."
On to Frostytoes Peak, Ned, my lad! And don't try to stop my singing on the way, either -- many have tried, and few have succeeded!
Heh... I know the feeling. I used to have to read my history books after my dad was asleep... but I still read them!
Wait... You didn't just kidnap me so we could hang out and talk about the stuff we like to do... did you?
WHAT?! NO! That's-- NO!!! That is SILLY, and I am going to write a SONG about how SILLY that is! Harrumph, Ned, my boy! HARRUMPH!!!
Focus on the task at hand, Ned, my boy! The Yeti Dragon of the Frostytoes Foothills is a fearsome opponent indeed...
Which is why YOU must hold my cape while I charge its hiding place, hollering a challenge-song at the top of my lungs! "COME OOOUT, YETI--"
Uh... Mr. Duncan, sir? You said you wanted me to speak up, so... I have a suggestion. I know you're good at fighting, but I'm good at history...
...so why don't you actually stop and listen to what I know this time? BEFORE you charge. It might even help you write a better song!
Hrrrrrmmmm... Well, I DO love charging... but I love writing better songs just as much! Very well, Ned, my lad... let's try things your way.
... So, in Ancient Dragolandian, "Yeti" roughly translates to "Dragon of the Rocky Place"... but it's usually called "The Abominable Snow-Dragon"!
Must... not... charge... immediately...!!!
Haha! It's okay, Duncan -- that's all I had to say! You can go and fight it now if you want.
"I faced the mighty Snow-Dragon Abominable, and..." And... Hrmmm.
How about "But its attacks were deflected by my muscles abdominal!" I mean... I know it's not a perfect rhyme, but...
Ha HA! Well-composed, Ned, my lad! We'll make a bard of you yet!
Let's get up to the top of Frostytoes Peak, Duncan! I can't wait to see who the last dragon is... I bet I'll get SO many good lyrics ideas!
And I bet I'll be inspired by your lore-mastery in turn, Ned, my boy! In fact... why don't we credit you as co-writer on the final song?
Duncan... I wouldn't have even known that was something I wanted yesterday... but OH MY GOODNESS YES, PLEASE.
All right, Co-Writer Ned: the summit of Frostytoes Peak -- and the finale of our album -- features the mysterious Avalanche Dragon in all its glory!
Now... what do you know about this beast that might lend itself to a face-meltingly triumphant musical spectacular?
SO MANY THINGS, Duncan! You start looking for the dragon -- I'm gonna get my notebook out and write down everything I can remember about it!
Okay: fun fact! Did you know that, in certain parts of Dragolandia, the Avalanche Dragon is more commonly known as the "Snowslide Dragon"?
I do NOW, Ned, my lad! Did YOU know that I plan to best it with an effortlessly timed Battling Bard Battering Barrage, singing all the while?
Haha! I do NOW, Duncan!
"Call it an Avalanche or call it a Snowslide..."
"...defeating it soundly was reason to show pride!"
Twenty-minute lute solo?
TWENTY-MINUTE LUTE SOLO!!!
NED! Thank goodness you're safe! I heard the Dunkelviking kidnapped you, and I came here to RESCUE you, and--
... And... you're fine. And in the middle of singing a duet? With Dunky. What even is happening right now?
What's HAPPENING is that me and my co-writer are putting the final touches on our holiday album! And, may I add, having GREAT fun doing it!
Yeah!!! Happy Frost Festival, Arya! Hey -- wanna sing backup vocals on our grand finale? I know you'd be great at it!
Uh... I'm still REALLY confused right now, but that kind of sounds amazing? Count me in -- and Happy Frost Festival to you guys, too!